Where is Home?

“Never make your home in a place. Make a home for yourself inside your own head. You'll find what you need to furnish it - memory, friends you can trust, love of learning, and other such things. That way it will go with you wherever you journey.” (Tad Williams)

I found this quote in the memories of my Facebook page and I stopped to reflect on it as just a few days ago I had a conversation with my friends – yes separate conversations with a couple of different friends about the concept of ‘home’. A number of my friends from school and college have been reunited with me due to the social media. Indeed, as one would expect a fair number have moved abroad over the time. We have formed lives and social circle in the new country while keeping alive ties to our country of birth. Some of us have changed nationalities while others have kept it. Most of my friends have partners from their own country. I however did not do so and by now am living on a third continent. I spent many years in India and then UK and now moved to Australia.

The reflection started with one friend saying that she missed home, for friends and sights and sounds and customs and so on. She says she feel restless and keeps wanting to return ‘home’. She asked if I feel the same since I have moved too. And strangely enough I could answer right away no I am happy as home is where I live with my husband, therefore where my heart is. I have lived in different cultures from the start as even living in India one is confronted by cultures of different states and I have moved a few states. While I can understand that she feels that her friends are now far away, it is not like when I left home as with only snail mail available and phones calls being extremely expensive none of us to afford to keep in touch across the world. I worked hard and had friends but limited social life for new friends were not as close bar an odd one or two. But I had family near by and spent a lot of time with them and therefore it was my ‘home’. This also included my husband’s family. So, I guess where my family was, was my home. There were times in the first couple of years of moving countries that I missed the sights, sounds and smells familiar to me from childhood but slowly I adapted to my new home.

Then I got ill. Chronic illness meant a lot of change and adapting of my lifestyle to achieve an acceptable quality of life. One adaptation was to move to Australia for a slower pace and better quality of life. I need to live in a warm place as cold is hard on my bones and muscles. Here we did not know anyone except one acquaintance and then found one distant relative. Moreover, over the first 3 years of my illness my social life as online specially since those who are close to me live all over the world. I am grateful for the social media and technology as it keeps me connected to people I love and care about. So now where is home? Considering we rent a place and have moved about 4 times I cannot call the bricks and mortar home.

Where is home - people ask

I am surprised they should ask

For me home is where my heart is

Very cliched response that is

But let me explain

How this concept I maintain

Home is where the country I was born?

But it has been decades since I was gone.

Home is where my family resides?

But that changes when death in family decides

Moving countries widens the world

Exposed to varied customs and cultures of the world

It all gets assimilated into who I am

An amalgamation of cultures I am

Changing houses has taught me that

Bricks and mortar are not where it’s at

Where I am happy is where its home

Where my husband is where its home

My social life is over the net

I have a very good one, you bet

I travel the world now from my sofa

Chatting with friends over a cuppa

So what culture do I miss

As every festival and holiday is shared as well as the crisis

Following the news of all the places where a friend is

Makes me think that’s where also home is

The usual labels of nationality, origins, caste, class are hard to apply

Having moved countries and cultures an amalgamation is what I can supply

I start categorising homes from where I was born

Its such a long story that you will have to bring popcorn

I am happy where I live with my husband

My physical world is complete with my husband

My definition of home has changed over time

Maybe earth is my home at this time

So how can I say where is home

Home is within me and I am home