Overheard

It is always funny when you over hear snippets of conversations between people who are strangers to you. Some make you smile as you catch their drift while others leave you wondering what that was all about where as some just make you double up. I overhead some such strange conversations and decided that maybe someone else will find them funny if not at least amusing.

I was waiting at the outpatients department and this one is particularly a large one. The doctors were running late and the people waiting were beyond that initial restlessness. Some were flicking through the heap of old magazines that is always found at the waiting rooms of various health establishments doing its contractual work of passing on germs. There were a couple of young women sitting in the row behind me and this is what they were talking about…..

Lady in jeans – you mean sling backs?

Lady with short hair - It's the ones without backs that have the elastic band or strip of shoe with a buckle at the back of the foot holding them on

This was not very interesting and so I tuned out from that conversation and tuned into the other two ladies in front of me. Both were young and I wondered what was wrong since I was at a rheumatology clinic. One was wearing baggy trousers and a tank top while the other was in a skirt and a red jumper.

Skirt (giggling): ‘I am using a disability placard as leverage to continue working.’

Trousers (with a tongue in cheek manner):  ‘Well you can... I am just happy being a lazy cow..’

Skirt explaining: ‘No before when I was teaching. It was at top of this stupid hill. And there was never parking. I told the doctor to sign this form or I'll quit my job. I can't walk up that hill and be awake to teach the class. So she signed a permanent one.’  She laughed as she finished speaking.

Trousers laughingly agreed: ‘Yes that’s good. I used that to get myself a permanent desk.. as part timers were supposed to hot desk and I said I canna carry my laptop home every day and back…’

Skirt: ‘There ya go!’

Trousers: hahahaha…. See we have so many positives to use.. and we should make up a guide for it.’

Skirt: ‘Oh yeah. I have to come up with more though. Those are the only ones I got right now.’

Sadly I shall never find out the end of that conversation and more tips to make disability work for you as I got called to see the doctor.

Then on the way back home in the bus … another good place to overhear interesting conversations… there was this boy and girl sitting behind me. I could hear them and assumed they were friends and on their way to some party.

Boy: ‘You wouldn't happen to know how to get wax out of a tshirt?’

Girl: ‘Put it on the fire..?’ and giggled

Girl: ‘What kinda wax?’

Boy: ‘It was a Yankee candle wax tart for Warmers’

Girl: ‘should come out if you put it in the freezer then.’

Boy: ‘The warmer had been on for 2 hours and I realized it still looked solid. So I pulled it down to touch it and my fingers weren't holding it as tight as I thought and the bottom melted but top didn’t so it burst through the top down the front of my brand new shirt.’ He did sound cross.

Boy: ‘I had it under hot water to melt it off, then a toothbrush to make sure the wax was off but apparently there was also some oil. I am gonna try to buy a new one tomorrow.’

Girl: ‘Awww put it in the freezer.. and it should be ok.. my gran’s advice.. but just in case it does not work.. I take myself off the blame list.’

Boy: ‘Nice. We always blame whoever isn't here to defend themselves.’

Girl: ‘Oh for oil you have to use something like vanish..’

Boy: ‘I did colour safe bleach soaked it, toothbrushes that then washed it again. I've washed it 3 times. Dried only 1 time when I didn't see anything. But there is still a stain.’

Girl: ‘Well then you will just have to admit to people you have been a mucky pup.. when u wear it.’

Boy: ‘I tried ice the very first thing I did. But the wax had gone thru the shirt and later I found wax on my skin. So the ice help the part that didn’t go all the way through.’

Girl: ‘oh well google it.. answers to everything is supposed to be there na?’

Boy: ‘Yeah. I was just wondering. Needless to say I yelled at the object and it just sat there looking dumb.’ With a chuckle

Girl: ‘Now would it not have been more shocking if it had answered you back.. you are the clumsy one and yelling at me?’

Boy laughed: ‘Oh I would've gone to the ER and asked for Valium if that'd happened.’

Girl: ‘Only valium? I would want to be on anti-hallucinogenic too!’

Boy: ‘Well they would decide once I told them "I hear voices from objects". I am sure Valium would be the tip of the iceberg!’

Girl: ‘Yep the men in white coats would come marching in pretty rapidly put you in a strait jacket and cart you away on a trolley... you know the one which is used to move boxes.’

Both laughed and I had to stop myself from joining them.

Girl: ‘Oh yea the jacket has to match the shoes or else...

Boy: “Well white goes with everything.’

Girl: ‘Aha I see you are using blocks of colour.. white with red I presume?’

Boy: ‘After all fashion has to be upheld not matter what gaga land you are in.’

Girl: ‘hahaha oh white with black and nude shoes or green or grey?’

Boy: ‘No no I like red.. bit of a statement. Like I might be nutty but I know my fashion.. kinda statement.’

Hahahahahha both laughed.

Girl: ‘Heck yes. I may be nutty but I can walk in heels! Also a statement.’

Boy: ‘Now we are assuming that you would be wearing something more than a d jacket.. cos after all you arenot gonna go to ER in just your shoes...’

Girl: ‘True. I would even go to the ER in heels in all honesty. But red shoes require silver or light grey pants’

Boy: ‘Nah light would get dirty in ER.. go with your black and white theme.. go for black pants and a skimpy sequined black top…. then the white jacket would be perfect and so would the red shoes…..so now we have a uniform to go to ER in..’

Girl: ‘Oh nice. That would be nice. I just bought a cream and gold tank top to go with a dark pair of jeans and the black and nude shoes. It's perfect!!!

Boy: ‘After all we visit it often.. and so no need to go as slovenly whingers..’

Sadly I had to leave this amusing couple to get off at my stop but it did leave me wondering as to whether the young man managed to get the wax off his t-shirt or not?

A fee days ago I went to have a look at the department store in the local shopping mall and was browsing through the clothes hoping to pick up some nice tops in the sales. There were nice ones that I liked and so went to try them on and yes you have guessed it the conversations in the fitting rooms are equally entertaining. I got so carried away that I nearly forgot to try my tops.

Girl 1: it seems there r sales all year round and there is no actual discount in any store anyways

Girl 2: Ok weird question. Would you consider wearing jeans to church if you were leading the singing portion?

Girl 1: Of course why not? you are fully covered.. not as if you gonna go in revealing stuff. Just get a decent top and not t shirt to go with it.. should be fine

Girl 2: I was gonna wear the new tank top with a sweat over it, the jeans, and the black on nude shoes. They keep saying I dress up too much

Girl 1: That should do.. trial run at the church is a good idea.. hehehe

Girl 2 Lol. It just feels weird and just wrong. Always a good trial run….. Church is much more judgmental than anywhere else.

Girl 1: Well jeans r like any other trousers now a days...

Girl 2: I know. I kinda hate that though….

Girl 1: Why?

Girl 2: I never wear jeans often ever. I wore a pair of jeans in 2008…. that was the last time. I like my business pants, skirts, khakis, jeans. Not my fav and it seems wrong for church

Girl 1: Heheheheh I like jeans there was a time I lived in them.. but when I put on a lot of weight I did not buy any.. too embarrassing.. in fact getting clothes was bad. I have some Indian gear which I used to bring out in summer while in winter I used to buy those cotton or denim legging kind.. T shirts and large jumpers or fleece..

Girl 2: See I've got the chunky going on but I am also oddly shaped. No hips or butt, skinny legs, but a gut! So I tried on a pair and I could've used the hips to fly somewhere

Both burst out laughing.

Girl 1: I know what you mean I find that the other way round get something big enough for the hips and butt and you can fit another person at the waist

Girl 2: I tried on the skinny jeans and I had two extra folds in the butt and legs even though I have a fat tummy…

Again they giggled and I was like sitting on the small bench in there and trying not to laugh loudly.

Girl 1: heheheh so you must then look like a lollipop..

Girl 2: Yeah. I have a fat tummy and below the hips looks like it belongs to a different person! I kind do look like a lollipop!!

Girl 1: so there is someone out there with a small upper body and fat lower one.. ahahahahah

Girl 2: Oh yes. There is.

Girl 1: I donna discriminate in my body parts... fat is distributed equally

Girl 2: And I'd like the top half back!!! hahahahaa

Girl 1: Well u gotta to go hunting? Give an ad in the papers?

Girl 2: Lol something

Girl 1: How about a vid on youtube.. cos strange things go viral on it …..   instant celeb.. then one would have to stand in a queue to speak to ya

Girl 2:  I don't know if that's what I want to be a celeb for. A skinny bottom half!!

Girl 1: Well that’s the fastest way.. am sure there is someone out there who wants just like you to be reunited with half their fat self

Girl 2: Lol. True

Girl 1: ……might be hankering.. sitting in a burger joint and stuffing themselves in order to get the balance right

Girl 2: as I starve myself for balance

Girl 1: that’s it…. you can appeal to the sense of balance in people. You sing well so maybe a catchy tune and a jog like the Gangham style

Girl 2: With my luck the skinny top half would belong to a man!!!! LOL……No hips butt or boobs

Girl 1: hehe nothing to be sneezed at….. you can get a boob job..

Girl 2 starts laughing.

Girl 1: a 36 c... big but not too big.. give a nice cleavage….. go well in the new tank top... see there you are built you a nice body.. and got you kitted out for church..

Girl 2: Lol!!! Oh dang. I'm all set up now!

At this point I burst out laughing and there was sudden silence in the fitting rooms. I quickly picked my things and crept out before the girls came out and saw who was eavesdropping.

Oh Mr Porter!

Oh Mr Porter is a Will Hay film from 1937. I have seen this film quite a few times and enjoyed it every time. I also invariable find new things to laugh about as it is easy to miss jokes while you are busy laughing over one. I do have this movie on DVD but since all my films are still packed in boxes I found it online. I was in need of a laugh after been dizzy over the last few weeks.

There are other interesting trivia about this film too. This film is also included in a blog as one of the 100 favourite films. This gives some information about the movie as well. As per usual I am not trying to give a synopsis of the film but just my perception of it.

Mr Porter is the brother in law of a senior railway official and so has been given a job in the railway. He is so hapless that he has been moved to all sorts of jobs and yet again he has messed up. However, his sister insists that he be promoted and not fired. So a job of station master (a promotion indeed!) is found at a small place called Buggleskelly in Ireland. He is blessed with 2 equally wretched helpers who have little interest in running this station where no train stops and the station looks derelict. Mr Porter maybe hapless but he certainly is keep and dedicated railway worker as he does all he can to get the station on the railway map again.

To this end he starts an excursion train which is hired by the Buggleskelly Wednesday football team. However the train leaves the station but does not make it even past the next signal junction. The hunt for the train is the second half of the story. It is funny how despite all things always seem to work out for Mr Porter! He certainly puts Buggleskelly on the map…. and not just the railway one. The speech is fast and the accents do sometimes make it hard to catch (especially when you are laughing) the wordplay which is excellent. The visual comedy is also aplenty and with almost every action taken by Mr Porter. The fast train ride through stations reminds me every time of the other train fun from one of the St. Trinians movies. The three way phone conversation between Mr Porter, the man at the signal junction and the boss of the railways is hilarious. The windmill scene where Mr Porter and his associates are trying to escape had me in stitches. Oh I can go on for a lot longer than the time of the film to identify every thing that makes me giggle non-stop. But it will be better if you find the jokes for yourself.

So here is the link to see Oh Mr Porter – enjoy!

Mere Brother ki Dulhan

This is a fairly new Bollywood movie and was told by a couple of my friends that it is a funny film and I should try seeing it. Then I was listening to Sunrise radio online and heard some people give good reviews for this movie. So last week I thought let me find and watch it. Generally I watch movies online from one of the sites that streams them. Sometimes one can see them in parts on YouTube as well.

This is a movie where one brother asks the younger one to find a bride for him as he had broken up with his long term girlfriend and wished to settle down. Since his love affair had fallen through he wished to go for an arranged marriage. The plot works its way through the young man Kush looking over many girls and depicts the classic questions and pitfalls of such activity. But eventually he find a girl Dimple who is very different from the other girls and think she would be ideal for his brother. The wedding gets arranged and all things required are done by Kush and Dimple. Having spent so much time together and learning about each other the inevitable happens as they fall in love. Now in the movies of old this would be the time for the couple to elope and the family to take up arms and the hardships a couple married for love face. Indeed the girl is all for eloping but this is not the way Kush wants to do things. Oh yea the old ‘we should do this the right way. I wish to take blessing from your parents’ approach of Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge is what Kush wants. One thing though irks me is that while definitely he chooses the ‘right’ even moral way of doing thing without unduly upsetting people, the way of getting there is extremely manipulative. Right up to the end the parents do not twig to the reality.

Now the dialogue is funny and there is lot of double entendre or is it I only thought that as public laughed (this was a camera copy by someone and so there was a side commentary from people around this person videoing). It was funny and reminded me of one of the best Bollywood screenplay writers Kader Khan. His dialogue always raised a laugh as they had comedic as well as philosophic value. It is nice to see a movie where there is just entertainment without the action, violence, and sadness that is seen in many movies. While I appreciate that serious films have to be made to make people aware of issues as well as to allow the screening of bitter reality, I mostly want to be entertained and want a laugh. There is enough sadness and cruelty, corruption and violence in the news and often shown TV series that I just want a laugh and fun when I see a film. This one allowed me to do just that. Light-hearted giggle and no pretentions of being a thought provoking movie. The acting is reasonable and Katrina looks pretty as does the girlfriend of the ‘brother’ Tara. The usual dance numbers and catchy tunes keep us entertained. Worth seeing and may be more than once after some time as I may have missed a few jokes.

Johnny English Reborn

I had seen the first movie Johnny English and had found it amusing and so when the sequel was being advertised I thought it would be fun to see this one too. Seeing the ads on TV certainly made me think it was a good idea. However, just as it came out I saw a review on the TV and it was not so complimentary of the movie. But I usually do not pay much attention to reviews as I often do not agree with them.

So last weekend I watched it. Being a wet and cool day I was happy to stay indoors and be entertained. I must also say that Rowan Atkinson is one of my favourite actors. Except for his Mr Bean character I love all his work. For some reason even though Mr Bean has been very popular I find it hard to laugh at that. Now give me his bumbling police inspector in Thin Blue Line or the Blackadder series (particularly the last one set in WWII). I find that he has a good and timely delivery of the dialogues hilarious. Well maybe that’s why I find Mr Bean (a silent character) not so funny.

Anyway back to the movie, Johnny has been thrown out of the service as under his security a president was assassinated. He has been living in a Tibetan monastery learning to be strong through martial art and meditation. Then comes a case where an informer will only talk to Johnny. Must against her better judgement the head of MI7 (oh yea we have moved to modern times and have a female head of services) bring Johnny back into active duty. There starts the usual bungling approach to Johnny’s case management. Some of the antics are reminiscent of the Mr Bean style, and mostly anticipated. Not that the anticipated event can be less funny as demonstrated by the gags in the final moments of the movie. In fact that was the best laugh as the expressions are wonderful and making it memorable. If you are watching and start getting irritated with anticipated gags….. just be patient the last laugh is the best.

Oh yes when Johnny goes to a country house to play golf with a suspect I sat up in the chair as this is Brocket Hall in Herts. I have walked there many a times and yes the path for the ‘country walk’ goes right through the golf course. So when Johnny’s golf ball hits a woman walking it is funny. But the antic with the helicopter is so unreal as you suddenly have these trees (obviously in pots) standing in front of the Hall where before there was nothing!

But this is a spy movie and the good has to win over evil. The spoof works reasonably well as one can see elements of great movies with events like gold playing (seen in a number of Bond movies), going up to castles on top of inaccessible mountains (On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, Guns of Navarone) where trolleys have to be used, mind control drugs and so on. Since I did not have to spend huge price of the cinema ticket I was happy watching this movie.

Chatur Singh Two Star – A good laugh

Sanjay Dutt shows once again how well he can play the funny man. I just came across this movie by chance and decided to have a peek to see if I liked it. After all both the Munna Bhai films were a hoot so maybe this one would be too.

The first thought reading the synopsis of the movie I thought it to be Pink Pantheresque. The man is a bumbling policeman who just manages to get lucky. The film starts with similar situation as that in Pink Panther where Inspector Clouseau usually gets his side kick to attack him so that he can practice his art of self defence. Chatur Singh Two Star also has a side kick and ironically his name is Pappu Panther! However as the movie progresses and Chatur Singh is put on guard duty for a corrupt hospitalised minister the antics take on more of the Lesley Neilson’s characters in Airplane or indeed the detective in the Naked Gun movies.

Well the movie made me laugh at the sheer nuttiness and absurd situations. I am wondering why the songs were not popular as they are indeed very funny and the dancing is just as mad. If you have not seen the movie and are looking for a laugh then go for it. The slapstick nature of the jokes and even though you can see the punch line coming still it still makes you giggle. We have seen all the actors in this movie play good funny man roles and even though they do go over the top sometimes it is all part of the fun. Ameesha seems to play was is supposedly central role but hey am not so sure about it. She does look pretty and wears skimpy outfits, I guess she is first seducing Gulshan Grover and then Sunil Dutt so the limited clothes. Am sure the guys will enjoy her gyrating in the songs.

All in all the story is run of the mill, the acting is good and songs funny. A Bollywood makeover for Pink Panther and Naked Guns rolled into one!