Who stole my Laugh?

I used to be a fun loving person. I loved telling and listening to jokes. I was always the first to make mischief. Always ready to play pranks by myself or teaming up with friends and cousins. I remember when I finished school and went to junior college everyone thought I was naughty and playful. In Physics class I would sit right under the teacher’s nose and copy the solutions to the problems I was supposed to do as homework. I bunked class rarely but when I did it was to sleep under the tree right outside the class. Now this was possible as my college was in an old tennis club.

The college was relatively new and had yet to build up a reputation of good academics. Most people I knew were bit surprised that I had chosen to go there. The classes were actually taken in sheds with corrugated roofs. One could not hear a thing when it rained in the monsoons. The sheds had no windows or doors just bear openings. In fact once or twice my friends and I sat in the window as there were not enough chairs. The science labs were in the building around a swimming pool. The pool was always empty and the rooms which I think used to be changing rooms had been made to open spaces to house the labs. There were some trees and tennis courts as well with a house next door which was owned by a bank and used as accommodation for bank trainees. They used to come and use the tennis courts sometimes.

There was a street vendor just outside the main gate selling sugarcane juice. One day the college decided to close the gates and not allow the students to go out to buy any juice. The students got annoyed at this. The opened the gates and dragged the cart into the grounds and that’s where the guy stayed after that. This incident should give you an idea how things were in this college for young women. Despite the closing of gates there was bunking from college. Once or twice I went off for a movie but as I said before I usually lounged under the tree in front of the class and cheekily ask for attendance since I was near enough to hear the lecture!

I think the best times were in the French class. I like learning the language but strangely enough I have always felt shy of talking in French. I have no problems learning useful phrases and using them when I am on holiday of any language expect when I went to Paris. Have no idea why such reticence in speaking the language that I actually liked and learned. Also Physics class was good especially as one needed an umbrella to sit in the front row. The teacher was a young lady, very enthusiastic about her subject and got carried away talking about it, letting loose a fine spray of saliva. We also used to tease her and she never caught on the games we played. For example, one day she was teaching us about cathode ray tube. As we pretended to struggle with the concept she tried to show us practical example of the use of cathode ray tube in television. This lead to a delightful conversation for a good 15 minutes about what a television was. We showed surprise that she was telling us that we could see people on something like a box and debated how this was possible.

We had fun in English class too as the pronunciations of our teacher were hilarious. There were the quiet teachers of chemistry, botany and zoology. I liked the science subjects and kept my record work up to date but rarely picked up books to study in the year and half out of the two years per- university college. This glimpse of me in the college should give up a fair idea of the things I got up to. I loved to spend time reading books anything from romance to thrillers. Generally spending a lot of time day dreaming too about travelling and seeing the places I read about in books.

This aspect of me was recently brought up by old friends I found on the Internet. They expressed surprise that I was a serious university lecturer and talked sensibly about things. I was doing PhD when I used to hate studying and usually found with novels instead of text books. This made me stop and think … Yes… where did my fun and funny self go? Who stole my laugh? Maybe I did when I became serious about everything in life. Took on responsibility for others even though I am sure they did not want me to or did not need me to. Where did this sense of responsibility come from? I was not my sisters’ keeper and still I became one. The same went with all who I came in contact with, my students, colleagues; parent in laws, their friends our friends. Sadly concerns and care for others had me holding the world on my shoulders. This is when I think I lost my laugh. I stole my laugh by taking everything and everyone seriously. The only time I let my hair down was on holiday. I thought people always wanted me to know the answers and I tried my best to live up to that. Am not sure whether this is because I am a perfectionist or whether this made me into a perfectionist? My husband calls me ‘sensible’ and I used to feel upset at that, even though he said it was a compliment. I guess unconsciously I was annoyed at becoming this ‘sensible’ person instead of the happy go lucky person I used to be.

I want to get that fun loving person back from the mists of past and try to restore fun and laughter back in my life. I try to talk with all my friends and family on the net. I have begun to not take myself so seriously. Living life for the day and trying my hand at creativity is helping me lighten up. Writing like this helps to reminiscence about past and find the funny memories. I am not the sad individual who looks glum all the time with a worried frown on the forehead. The lips have moved upwards to produce a smile and eyes light up with laughter …. I practice that in front of the mirror a lot! I am going to steal back my laughter from the ‘sensible’ person who sadly not many people from my past recognise.