I Want

When am good

Am very very good

When am bad

I wanna be very very bad

I want to be loved

Oh I want so much to be loved

Is it too much to ask

Why should I wear a mask?

Pretend that all is well

When nothing is well

I want to break free of this pretence

The bad times in past tense

I refuse to be good any more

Do what is expected of me any more

I want to dance in the rain

I want to sing despite the pain

I want to punch some on in the face

Yell for them to get outta my face

I want to eat chocolate when I wish

Any food whenever I wish

How many frogs must I kiss

To find the one I would miss

I want to be bad

I want to be mad

I want to be happy

In an otherwise life so crappy……

Here Comes the Monsoon

The summer is always hot and dry

Temperatures soar high

On the pavement an egg you can fry

Lassitude from the heat makes you sigh

Everyone is waiting eagerly

To welcome the monsoon

To see the storm clouds gathering

To feel the coolness of rain soon

As the day grows old

Shadows made by the clouds

The sun becoming paler gold

Skies being darkened by the clouds

The breeze picks up slowly

The leaves begin to rustle

The wind soon whispers secretively

The flora also start doing the hustle

The first drop of rain

Earth welcomes the first drop

The dry earth ready to soak up the rain

Drop follows another drop

The smell of the wet earth

Makes you take a deep breath

The sweet smell of moistening earth

The dampening coolness filling your breath

The drops grow in size, big and fat

The downpour starts to increase

The rain collects in puddles fat

Looking like it will not cease

I rush out on to the rain

On to my terrace

To dance with joy in the rain

The cooling rain on my face

The joy of leaping about

The laughter at the fun

Of kicking the water spraying about

Seeing if you can get wetter at a run

When I see the first drops of monsoon rain

When I see the kids leaping in the rain

The joy of getting wet wandering in the rain

It takes me back to my childhood in the rain

Making me smile all over again

With the remembered joy again

Making me hum again

I am singing in the rain…. again

You don’t look sick!

When you look at me

What do you see?

The face that is round

Puffy and not fatty pound

The cheeks are very rosy

But from malar rash you nosy

You see the shiny face, sunglasses and hat

And think how fashionable is that

Fashion is only serving to protect my skin

For who wants rashy itchy blotchy skin

The smile pasted on face

Does not really have a base

You really need to look at my eyes

The dullness of pain and fatigue can be seen in my eyes

Hair grows grey faster now

Often falling faster now

My hands cannot form a fist

It is hard even to move the wrist

You should see when I try to get up

All the joints crack up

I hobble about the house

Very much slower than a mouse

See me as I am, chronically sick

And refrain from saying, ‘You don’t look sick’

Change

I was doing well

Life was swell

Career was flourishing

A PhD I was wishing

Dreams of developing theory

Helping learning online to the weary

Presenting at conferences everywhere

Accolades from fellow researchers there

Then I got ill

Body would not do my will

Everything fell apart

Work, study and family torn apart

Cannot understand what is happening?

Why is it happening?

Make this pain go away

The feelings of despair away

Cannot do anything without pain

What’s the point or gain?

A long time to grieve, to let go

A real battering of ego

Loads of drugs to help and harm

Not always working the charm

Eventually it dawns

That this is the new dawn

Rethinking and reflecting on the needs

Channelling of energy into creative feeds  

Life is much slower

But surely it is smoother

Making time for feeding the soul

While keeping keeping the body whole

Now I battle the cold instead of heat

It’s the summer I would like to greet

A professional turned housewife

But some days can barely wield a knife

Gardening for the first time

Joy of growing vegetables first time

Mowing the lawn

Strangely does not raise a frown

Lazy time in sun reading

Why would I be complaining?

So many new friends I have made

Long list to wade

To help and support

Ideas from each other to import

Learning to adapt and change

Who says an old dog cannot change?

In my head the chant - faster faster

In my body the chant - slower slower

I took ages to learn

I cannot, the candle at both ends, burn

The learning of contentment

A once strange sentiment

Quality of life is what matters

Being alive is what matters

People who love you stand by

Others are just passers by

Being ill made me learn

Everything I do not have to earn

I have found again the fun in me

I did not even know I had lost me

I am so different

But am I really different?

Spicy Tomato Soup

Oh this is a favourite soup of mine and one that I cook happily. In the years gone by every time I asked my husband if he wanted to have tomato soup and vegetable pulao, he always said no. I was not too much into cooking then either but now I have the time and am learning to cook things I like. I decided to make it without asking his opinion and I am so glad I did. He actually enjoyed it and is happy to eat this dish. I find it so satisfying to have hot spicy soup especially when I am feeling cold or having flu. This to me is the veggie equivalent of the chicken soup for all cold and flu.

·        Ingredients

1 tin of chopped tomatoes (liquidise it to make a smooth juice)

500 mls of water

1 medium onion finely chopped

2 green chillies finely chopped

1 inch piece of ginger finely chopped

3 – 4 cloves of garlic also finely chopped

1 small potato finely grated

A teaspoon of cumin

3 cloves

A small piece of cinnamon

A small dry red chilli

1 tablespoon of olive oil

½ teaspoon red chilli powder

1 teaspoon dried basil

1 tablespoon of sugar

Salt to taste

A couple of table spoons of finely chopped fresh coriander and a small cube of unsalted butter or makkhan (homemade butter) to garnish.

·        Preparation

Heat a pan and put the olive oil, cumin in it. When the cumin starts to brown add the cloves, cinnamon and dried red chilli in it. Once they heat up add the onions, green chillies, garlic and ginger in the pan. Cook till the onions start to turn brown. Then add the liquidised tomato to the pan as well as the water. At the same time put the grated potato, salt, dried red chilli powder, basil and sugar. Bring it to the boil and then simmer on medium heat until the grated potato cooks down to thicken the soup. You can add the coriander and butter once the soup is done or you can use it to garnish individual bowls of soup. You should be able to get two big bowls of soup from this recipe.

While you can put a couple of fresh basil leaves on top as well but I would not use pesto for this purpose. Having tried it I can tell you it does not work. Also you can increase of decrease any of the spices according to your taste. You can actually make a large amount and keep in the fridge to have it over a few days. I have kept this for a week in the fridge. Enjoy!