Mysteries of Memory

I have been very lazy in writing my blog. It has been ages since I felt able to put ‘pen to paper’. Is this what is known as a writer’s block? I cannot say. Maybe this is just lethargy on my part. Seems one of the symptoms that has now become distinct from all the others as pain levels have come down. It is a strange feeling as I am actually feeling physically ok but the mind is dull, unable to think, unable to find any will to move and raising feeling of guilt for being an inert lump of flesh!

Well today I decided I must put a few thoughts down. Having had a lot of time to reflect on past and what I want from the future I find that some memories have dimmed and vanished while some remain sharp as if they had just happened. I was thinking about the time when I had my accident. Some things like the impact of the other van, ringing my husband to tell him I was in an accident but ok. And that I had to go as the firemen and ambulance were here to get me out of the car! I distinctly remember the cold and wet for it took nearly an hour before I got going to the hospital. I was feeling light headed with the cold and low blood sugar… the shock and nothing but a sandwich all day will do that. I got annoyed at everyone asking if I was diabetic. I just wanted some sugar as I did not want to pass out. I do remember being breath analysed, my sister and brother-in-law coming to get me and my husband coming straight from work. We went on to get my things from the car (it had been towed to a garage). After that, I have a hazy memory to getting home, ringing my older sister and my mother to tell them I had an accident and that I was ok. But then memory blurs as there are glimpses of it…. pain, bruises, swollen face, sister coming with family to visit in the evening and sleeping. In fact this haziness appears to be for a good couple of months. I did have 2 weeks holiday booked so we went to Scotland. My mother in law was with us. I did drive right from the start but I cannot remember much of the driving except that I was constantly looking out for other cars to do strange things. There was always a panic about going to new places by myself after that. I realised that my attention would not be totally on the traffic if I was looking out for the road signs. Is this mind protecting by blurring out painful memories? A deliberate wiping out of painful experiences? But then does one need to remember everything that has happened?

Another aspect of life that has got misted in the fog of time is the past 4 years – ill health, grief for loss of family seem to have taken their toll here. This has made it harder to verbalise or even clearly reflect on a clearly painful time. There are distinct moments that stand out from the fog of pain. Work, when I could, did seem to allow some hold on sanity only to slip back when flat on back, alone and in pain. There is a definite sensory deprivation when you are partly asleep and staring at the ceiling with no sound or person about. So was it just the pain or the tedium of immobility that wiped out memories? The reflection needed putting into words for who knows if I will remember them later. Recently I have joined a group called UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease) on facebook and found that there are others like me and this sense of relief that I am not alone was palpable for both my husband and I. It also brought home that this lethargy and playing up of memory are symptoms of the illness and so is the emotional ups and downs.

Sometimes I have conversations with my mother who due to age has poor memory particularly short term. She forgets what she has told me and often we have a conversation repeated, sometimes in the same call! For example she said ‘your aunty called to say hello and pass message that so and so had passed away.’ By the time we had gone through some other topic she forgot and told me the whole conversation again. Yesterday I asked her if she remembers what she did with the shopping trolley she had got the first time she went to UK. Now the reason for asking was I bought one yesterday so that we do not have to carry bags. It is a black one and while the one my mother had was distinctly with a red tartan front. I was telling my husband that my mother never used it to go buy veggies from the market as the place was usually muddy and that her lovely shopping trolley would get dirty. Not only my mother did not remember what happened to it but could not even remember what it looked like. The only part of the conversation she recognised was that yes she would not have taken it to the market for the fear of getting it dirty! Now I have become more tolerant of the elderly and their lapses of memory, in my life for I can feel empathy with them.

I do realise that examples of memory lapses have been of situations that were painful and so can take the stance that mind is protecting me but why does it happen with even happy moments in life. I have been on many holidays with my husband and with other family members. It seems after a passage of decade or two even the happy moments become indistinct from each other. I particularly find that names of places elude me but the memory of the emotions (the joy of being somewhere new) is quite sharp. This was never more sharp an awareness, as when I was filling forms for visa application for Australia. We had to go through passport stamps to work out when I had been and where. Some holidays seem not that long ago while others are nearly misted over completely. It was a big surprise to find the time that has actually lapsed. Once upon a time I used to write out daily diary of each day in every holiday. It was for my mother as I am terribly lazy writing letter. This way she would get a nice long letter at least once a year. Now I feel I should have kept copies and linked to photos. The technology is there now to do it…. but I seem to have run out of inclination to do anything about it. Should I scan all the photos and write short notes to show my journey through life? If so for what purpose? Is that a legacy someone would want? Or it would yet another bit of rubbish someone will have to dump? Now I am not so pessimistic but really who cares besides myself and maybe my husband about our memories? May be it is best to keep memories private and not develop this exhibitionist attitude to displaying every part of life for all to see. As time goes by I will take some of the memories out of that box in the brain and treasure them and also let them go into the sands of time.

Accessing Health Care System in Australia

Now, for comparing it with the Health Care System in Australia. The first thing one needs to get on reaching the shores of Australia is a Medicare card. Medicare is the Australian Health Care System started in 1984 to provide health care to the people, reasonably priced, accessible and high quality care. The people pay for this through their income tax similar to the NHS in UK. The website gives a broad outlook about the health care system but it is hard to find how to access GP services or how the prescriptions obtained and charges for it.

To enroll into the Medicare system you have to fill out a form. There are many things covered by Medicare such as doctor’s fees (both GP and Consultants), any investigations, eye test, some surgical procedures and all those treatments that are necessary as a part of chronic disease management. Also you will be covered for hospital services as a public patient. All other things are not part of this subsidised health care. There is no catchment area for GP surgeries so one can register at any surgery one wants to. This means the popularity of the GP surgery is based on word of mouth. There seem to be no limit to the number of patients going to a surgery. The size of the surgeries also differed from one doctor to a polyclinic with minor surgery attached. We looked up the surgeries around our local area and found a few. One was actually at the end of our road.

So on Saturday we decided to walk down (about a mile) to see if it was open and if we could register. After a trek up hill and down dale we find that the surgery is no longer there. In fact, the next week we found it was up for sale online! There were 2 more surgeries near The Pines Shopping Center. Upon recommendation from the bank staff we decided to go to the one situated in The Pines itself. There are 2 doctors there and appointment was made with one.

When making the first appointment you have to fill a form giving your particulars as well as your Medicare card number and also your health care card number if you happen to be registered for it. The health care card is a benefit provided by the government for people who are unemployed and on any other benefits. This gives the individual a discount on prescription charges. The surgery we went to is a bulk billing one. This means that when you visit the doctor you have to sign a form stating that you have attended and the fees for the visit. This the surgery claims directly from the Medicare. If the doctor does not do bulk billing, you have to make a payment and then put in a claim from Medicare. This when processed will refund that fee into your bank account. However, you need to remember that Medicare rates for doctor’s fees are set and if you happen to go to a doctor who sets their own charges you will not be returned the whole amount by Medicare. This one needs to remember in particular when seeing a private consultant instead of the public hospital one.

The referral service to consultant is also very different. The patient is offered a choice by the GP to go public or private and also to which consultant he wishes to see. Now here is where word of mouth referrals come handy, or else you have to rely on your GP’s knowledge to recommend the best doctor. The GP gives you a referral letter and it is the patient’s responsibility to ring and make appointment. You have to take the referral letter and any other information when you go for the first appointment. Now during this call to make appointment you can inquire about the fees and how the billing is done etc. Just found another thing as I was worrying about the doctors visits’ costs that for people with chronic problems and high needs for out of hospital services there is also a medical safety net where the Medicare provides higher subsistence to cover out of pocket expenses.

The prescription system also is complicated. Like UK there are prescription and non-prescription drugs. However, in UK all drugs could be prescribed even if they were available over the counter. I am referring to drugs like vitamins and anti-histamines. In Australia this does not happen. So for all the vitamins that I need I have to find the best price pharmacy and get it myself. I do hope that this requirement for vitamins will be discussed by the GP or the consultant. For some drugs the doctor can identify a repeat prescription either for 1 or 3 times. Have yet to find out if this means that I have to visit the doctor every time I want one of the non repeat prescriptions? For every visit means a fee! Or does the consultant provide these repeats when dealing with specialised meds? The receptionist said the consultant did indeed give longer prescriptions when I called to make appointment. When you go to the pharmacy with the prescription you can be faced with 4 different prices and you can choose the one you wish to pay. The first is the price if your prescription was private, second if it is to be public prescription. Third if you are having health care card and lastly if you come under the Pharmacy Safety Net. This happens when you have paid a certain amount of money buying drugs in the year. The pharmacy can make note of this by keeping your records and marking your prescription with a sticker. Eventually when you have reached the limit you can get the safety net card and the prescription charge can either be reduced or free. The limit is set every year based I think on inflation rates.

So far so good… will add more as I find out. Seems everyone finds out as they need and so one cannot to get an overall view.

Ovderview of Access to the Health Care System in UK

Within the NHS in UK after so many years I was familiar with the system. The money for the health care comes from the tax which is paid from the salary. When you move into an area you look for the local GP surgeries. The GP surgeries serve specific catchment areas according to the population. Then you can fill in a form and apply to register in the surgery. After that you can make appointment to see any doctor for urgent problems which can be the same day or within 48 hours or routine appointment with a specific doctor within the month.

You can put a note for repeat prescription which does not require you to see the doctor every time. Most prescriptions are for 1 to 2 months of medication. There is a set charge for each medicine on your prescription which currently is £7.20. If you need medication all year round then you can pay a yearly prescription fee and then be exempt from paying the prescription charge every time. If you are on medications that you must take to avoid further health problems that will then cost the NHS more such as medication for hypothyroidism you can fill a form to get exemption from paying you prescription charges.

In case you felt ill outside the surgery hours you called the NHS Direct where someone would ask you questions and advice you what to do. If they were unable to decide then you would get a call from the nurse of duty or even the doctor. The GP does not carry out home visit except for the elderly and infirm. In an emergency you can either take yourself to the hospital A&E or call an ambulance. There is no charge for calling an ambulance. In A&E you get seen according to the urgency of your condition. There used to be a time limit of 4 hours by which all patients would be seen but this has been removed when the current government came into power. You can have any necessary investigations carried out and if need be hospitalisation. All this is free at the point of access.

If you need it the GP can refer you to a consultant who also used to be in the catchment area hospital, but now patient can choose the consultant he wishes to see. Also earlier there was a time limit of 8 weeks by which the patient had to be seen upon referral. There were also time limits regarding waiting lists for surgery, additional support services like Physiotherapy, Occupation Therapy etc. All these services are being stretched considerably now with the changes and cuts to the NHS. However, the process of access to service is reasonable straight forward as easy to plug into when moving to the UK. However all this will probably be totally different with the changes and cuts being made to the NHS.

Some things are hard to express

Some things are hard to express

Especially when you wish to impress

When you see the breath-taking beauty of nature

Whether it is a sunrise or sun set

Whether it is a lightning storm or storm surge

The power of nature can be awe inspiring

Some things are hard to express

Especially when you wish to impress

How can you convey the fragility of nature?

The delicate ferns to giant redwoods

The beautiful sea anemones to the blue whales

The beauty of nature can be awe inspiring

Some things are hard to express

Especially when you wish to impress

The people in your life raise emotions

Of love and passion

Of care and protection

The beauty of love can be awe inspiring

Some things are hard to express

Especially when you wish to impress

Do words or picture give an accurate depiction?

To express all that is bubbling in the head and heart

Where is HOME?

I think I am beginning to feel at home. It is strange to think I am not going back home… then I think where is home? Used to call India ‘back home’ for the past 25 years and now suddenly UK has been upgraded to that title. Have to think what I should call India now! Not many people are lucky enough to call 3 continents home. So far 23 years of my life were in India and 25 in UK. So will the last third of my life be in Australia? I certainly think so. Also home for me is where the heart is and where Paul and I are together.

Many of my friends and family have asked will I not miss UK, my life with friends and of course my family there. I have to remind them this is not the first time I am moving continents. The last time I moved it was just with a bag of clothes. I left behind all my friends and family then. As all of us were too lazy to write and it was expensive to send post it was a very big wrench for me. I missed the sights, sounds, smells and people for a very long time. This time the move was not going to be such a wrench. I have brought along my heart (Paul) and will have all my belongings following me. Technology being so good I can keep in touch with all my family and friends via facebook and skype. I made my niece and mother in law in particular install and try out skype so that we could see each other. I am still hounding some of my relatives to get their webcams, mics and skype going. However, most send me emails as well. The ones in India were already communicating via facebook and so you see this time the continent move is much easier. I am not leaving behind anyone. The blogs allow all to chart my progress of settling in Australia. With links into the various websites all the readers can also learn a bit about the places I mention. It is fun to describe the new experiences and hope that readers enjoy it too.

This week has been a little slow and gentle. I am adapting to the slower pace of life. On Monday I actually swept the whole house, well save a couple of corners which Paul attacked with a hoover. It has been a very long time since I did such kind of house work. I thoroughly enjoyed it as it a relative novelty! Am sure sweeping such a large house is not going to be fun in the long run. I have also been helping Paul with the cooking now. He still has to chop everything but then I can do the rest. On Tuesday we went to Collins Street as I had a meeting with an agency. The job looked good when discussing with the lady. I agreed for an interview the next day as well. While it was a high post I knew I could do it. However when I looked at the job description in detail it was much too heaaavvvy on management and am not sure it was what I want to do. I mean I came here to have a better lifestyle, less stress so that work life balance will allow me to have improved health. SO sadly I had to decline and bow out of the interview. For lunch we found a restaurant called ‘desi dhabha’. I had rajamah chawal and Paul had roti and saag (apparently they had no maaki roti). We also managed to get allu parathas and onion parathas as take away for dinner with raita.

Also had a call from Monash regarding a part time job that I had applied for. Interview was on Thursday. Will be good if I get it as it’s basically a research supervisor’s job. The day out to Monash University was good. We caught an early bus to The Pines shopping center, from there 901 bus to Blackburn Station. Walked across the underpass to catch the 703 bus which took us right to the Monash University. The campus is big and very green. The Faculty of Medicine, Nursing and Health Sciences building was shut as the torrential rains had put the electricity out. The offices had been temporarily moved to another building which turned out to be for IT and geology. Well you can guess that the waiting for me was not such a chore for Paul as he was busy looking at rocks and stuff on display.

On the way back we stopped for lunch at an Indian called Gopal which is opposite the Blackburn Station. Oppss looking up the web I think it might have been Ganesh ….. LOL but the food was quite nice. Paul had thali which I could not as the veg korma was made with cauliflower, capsicum and mushrooms. The other items were dal makhani, raita, onion bhaji, rice, papad, and naan. Apparently this was the first day they were trying out a thali. I ended up with shahi paneer and onion kulcha. Both had a taste of James Boag beer. All in all a pleasant afternoon meal. Then bus back to The Pines so that we could buy some milk, fruit and veg. The heat was getting worse and worse as the mugginess also increased. The weather man had said late evening thunderstorms and so we were waiting for the cooling to come. It was so warm that the moong dal with spinach and rice were eaten very late.. at about 8 30 pm! All those who know me will raise an eyebrow as most days am watching tv in bed by 8 pm. Hehehehe

At about 9 30 pm the lightening started flashing and thunder rolling. The rain came but not as heavily as I thought I would and so it did not cool down as rapidly as it had done the other week. However, it rained on and off throughout the night. So morning saw temperature of about 21C and not much different from maximum of 24C today. Paul has gone to Collins Street for some meetings and I decided to stay at home and relax. Most of these meetings are late morning or early afternoon. This means going out during the hot part of the day and to have a meal out. So far most days we have found Indian food and so not been too hard on my stomach and allergies. But a day in alone will be a good rest and give me time to do some writing.

If you are enjoying my blogs and my style of writing or have suggestions for me about my writing or the things about Australian life please feel free to add your comments to each blog.