Despair

Why does despair strike fast and hard?

It always manages to slip under my guard

One moment I can be joyous and chattering on

Having a laugh and cheerful conversation

The sun can be shining and not a cloud on the horizon

So where do the storm clouds of despair come from?

Sometimes it hits like a brick wall

I nearly gasp with the force of it all

Other times it slowly creeps in

Like the leaking air from a balloon pricked with a pin

I do not want to talk, that is a fact

It is hard to even make eye contact

The partner of despair is anxiety

It can be niggling and nebulous anxiety

I feel the darkness in and around me

All the while depressing me

Against which I can feel helpless

Making me feel hopeless 

Is this a symptom of chronic illness?

Or is it the effect of chronic illness?

When will the darkness be shed?

So that my mind’s wings can spread

I want to get angry at myself

For allowing this darkness into myself

But that is too much work

Energy used to raise my mood is better work

If I knew where the depression came from

I would shut the door and keep my norm

Will I be all right?

Will this world be all right?

How can I make it all right?

When it seems nothing will ever be right!