Why does despair strike fast and hard?
It always manages to slip under my guard
One moment I can be joyous and chattering on
Having a laugh and cheerful conversation
The sun can be shining and not a cloud on the horizon
So where do the storm clouds of despair come from?
Sometimes it hits like a brick wall
I nearly gasp with the force of it all
Other times it slowly creeps in
Like the leaking air from a balloon pricked with a pin
I do not want to talk, that is a fact
It is hard to even make eye contact
The partner of despair is anxiety
It can be niggling and nebulous anxiety
I feel the darkness in and around me
All the while depressing me
Against which I can feel helpless
Making me feel hopeless
Is this a symptom of chronic illness?
Or is it the effect of chronic illness?
When will the darkness be shed?
So that my mind’s wings can spread
I want to get angry at myself
For allowing this darkness into myself
But that is too much work
Energy used to raise my mood is better work
If I knew where the depression came from
I would shut the door and keep my norm
Will I be all right?
Will this world be all right?
How can I make it all right?
When it seems nothing will ever be right!
