You don’t look sick!

When you look at me

What do you see?

The face that is round

Puffy and not fatty pound

The cheeks are very rosy

But from malar rash you nosy

You see the shiny face, sunglasses and hat

And think how fashionable is that

Fashion is only serving to protect my skin

For who wants rashy itchy blotchy skin

The smile pasted on face

Does not really have a base

You really need to look at my eyes

The dullness of pain and fatigue can be seen in my eyes

Hair grows grey faster now

Often falling faster now

My hands cannot form a fist

It is hard even to move the wrist

You should see when I try to get up

All the joints crack up

I hobble about the house

Very much slower than a mouse

See me as I am, chronically sick

And refrain from saying, ‘You don’t look sick’

Change

I was doing well

Life was swell

Career was flourishing

A PhD I was wishing

Dreams of developing theory

Helping learning online to the weary

Presenting at conferences everywhere

Accolades from fellow researchers there

Then I got ill

Body would not do my will

Everything fell apart

Work, study and family torn apart

Cannot understand what is happening?

Why is it happening?

Make this pain go away

The feelings of despair away

Cannot do anything without pain

What’s the point or gain?

A long time to grieve, to let go

A real battering of ego

Loads of drugs to help and harm

Not always working the charm

Eventually it dawns

That this is the new dawn

Rethinking and reflecting on the needs

Channelling of energy into creative feeds  

Life is much slower

But surely it is smoother

Making time for feeding the soul

While keeping keeping the body whole

Now I battle the cold instead of heat

It’s the summer I would like to greet

A professional turned housewife

But some days can barely wield a knife

Gardening for the first time

Joy of growing vegetables first time

Mowing the lawn

Strangely does not raise a frown

Lazy time in sun reading

Why would I be complaining?

So many new friends I have made

Long list to wade

To help and support

Ideas from each other to import

Learning to adapt and change

Who says an old dog cannot change?

In my head the chant - faster faster

In my body the chant - slower slower

I took ages to learn

I cannot, the candle at both ends, burn

The learning of contentment

A once strange sentiment

Quality of life is what matters

Being alive is what matters

People who love you stand by

Others are just passers by

Being ill made me learn

Everything I do not have to earn

I have found again the fun in me

I did not even know I had lost me

I am so different

But am I really different?

Spicy Tomato Soup

Oh this is a favourite soup of mine and one that I cook happily. In the years gone by every time I asked my husband if he wanted to have tomato soup and vegetable pulao, he always said no. I was not too much into cooking then either but now I have the time and am learning to cook things I like. I decided to make it without asking his opinion and I am so glad I did. He actually enjoyed it and is happy to eat this dish. I find it so satisfying to have hot spicy soup especially when I am feeling cold or having flu. This to me is the veggie equivalent of the chicken soup for all cold and flu.

·        Ingredients

1 tin of chopped tomatoes (liquidise it to make a smooth juice)

500 mls of water

1 medium onion finely chopped

2 green chillies finely chopped

1 inch piece of ginger finely chopped

3 – 4 cloves of garlic also finely chopped

1 small potato finely grated

A teaspoon of cumin

3 cloves

A small piece of cinnamon

A small dry red chilli

1 tablespoon of olive oil

½ teaspoon red chilli powder

1 teaspoon dried basil

1 tablespoon of sugar

Salt to taste

A couple of table spoons of finely chopped fresh coriander and a small cube of unsalted butter or makkhan (homemade butter) to garnish.

·        Preparation

Heat a pan and put the olive oil, cumin in it. When the cumin starts to brown add the cloves, cinnamon and dried red chilli in it. Once they heat up add the onions, green chillies, garlic and ginger in the pan. Cook till the onions start to turn brown. Then add the liquidised tomato to the pan as well as the water. At the same time put the grated potato, salt, dried red chilli powder, basil and sugar. Bring it to the boil and then simmer on medium heat until the grated potato cooks down to thicken the soup. You can add the coriander and butter once the soup is done or you can use it to garnish individual bowls of soup. You should be able to get two big bowls of soup from this recipe.

While you can put a couple of fresh basil leaves on top as well but I would not use pesto for this purpose. Having tried it I can tell you it does not work. Also you can increase of decrease any of the spices according to your taste. You can actually make a large amount and keep in the fridge to have it over a few days. I have kept this for a week in the fridge. Enjoy!

Kill Me If You Can by James Patterson and Marshall Karp

I have read just one book by James Patterson and had enjoyed it. Since I am looking into reading different authors I found this one in the library and decided to start reading this author. Some of my friends have said they like to read this author too as he writes murder mysteries.

The story starts with a murder of one assassin by another called the Ghost. The man is attacked in the toilet of the Grand Central Station but flees till the lockers and collapses after opening a locker. While he lies there dying a young man comes up to see what the matter was. The killer meanwhile has set of smoke bombs that gets panics people into thinking this was a terrorist attack. So everyone is running to get out but this young man stops to check on this man he sees bleeding by the lockers. The man dies and there is nothing he could have done to save him but something makes him look into the locker and finds a black medical bag. Inside the bag he sees diamonds – many handfuls….. who do they belong to? Can he keep them? He escapes from there and makes his way home trying to avoid being noticed.

The diamonds of course belong to the mafia for whom the dead man used to work. They want the diamonds back and send a number of people, 2 assassins and 2 bent policemen to hunt for the diamonds and eliminate whoever took them. The plot is convoluted and keeps you guessing. Half-way through there is a revelation as to who the Ghost is. Now the story takes a different turn but maintains the tension. The man with the diamonds is on the run with his girlfriend across Europe pursed by the mafia killers. Who will win? Will the young man get away with the stolen diamonds or will he be killed for them? Will there be a happy ever after ending?

Definitely a gripping thriller and a good read for all who enjoy a mystery. There is romance, mystery, murder, thrill of chase and intrigue, everything that makes a good read.

Gajjar Halwa

I love gajjar (carrot) halwa try and make it at least once a year. The recipe websites below (except for the last one) have got lower calories and fat where as I like mine to be well creamy. Therefore the need limit the amount of times I make and eat. Also I cannot make a small amount …. It ends up being a whole big bowl full and lasts for a few servings. I also do not use ghee which is recommended by many, not because it is not good for you but because I find it hard to digest it.

http://www.indianfoodforever.com/desserts/gajjar-ka-halwa.html

http://www.manjulaskitchen.com/2007/04/26/gajar-ka-halwa-carrot-halwa/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yksRZGYpvJc

http://www.honeywhatscooking.com/2010/11/gajar-ka-halwa-indian-carrot-pudding.html
 

My recipe is from memory of when my mother used to make it for us. But she used to make it more like the ones shown in the websites above but without nuts. I then adapted it to suit what I enjoy – rich and creamy! The first time I made it I used about a kilo of carrots and put in fresh full fat milk about 2 litres and added a fair amount of sugar too. I stood over the pan and stirred it for hours to evaporate the milk and leave behind a well-cooked creamy rich halwa. It took so long to get there that I was tired and could not even think of tasting it after stirring it for hours. I sent a portion to my sister’s to taste as this was my first attempt in making this.

I put it away to cool and thought I would have some next day but my husband and his brother were to have some for dessert that evening. The next day at lunch time I looked in the fridge to have my share but it was not there. When asked, both the men looked sheepish….. they had scoffed the lot and not even left a morsel for me! I called my sister to see if she had any halwa left over. If so could I have a small portion back, to taste what I stood for hours to make. I was hopping mad that the men had eaten it all without a thought that after all the hard work maybe I should get at least a spoonful. Having thrown a legitimate tantrum and sulked, my husband made some for me in a couple of weeks and took a short cut by using condensed milk to reduce the cooking time. He made it so well that it became his job to make it whenever I felt like some. My nieces also requested that he make some for them while they were little.

·        Ingredients

6  largish carrots

A small tin of sweetened condensed milk

½ litre of full cream fresh milk

Teaspoon of cardamom seeds

Handful of nuts – almonds, pistachios, cashew (add whatever you have handy)

Unsalted butter 5 one inch cubes (you can add more or less – I usually just dig out a quarter of the pat of butter).

·        Preparation

Grate the carrots after washing them well. You can have it as fine as you want. Generally coarse grating gives you something to chew on. 

Chop the nuts coarsely and put aside. 

Heat a pan and add butter in it. Before it starts browning add the carrots. Stir the carrots to ensure all of it gets coated with the butter and warms up nicely. 

Then you can add the condensed milk and the fresh milk. You can use a little hot water to get all the condensed milk out of the can. You will have noticed that I am not using any sugar as the condensed milk already has sugar plus the sweetness of carrot will be enough for the dish. 

You can add the nuts and the cardamom in the pan and bring it to the boil. Then turn the heat down to medium and keep cooking until the liquid all evaporates and leave behind a slightly moist creamy soft carrot. Generally the fat from the milk and the butter can be seen as the glistening on the halwa.

You can serve it hot or cold and garnish it with some nuts. It must be remembered that you need to keep an eye on the halwa while it is cooking and stir it regularly. It takes more than the recipes you will see in the urls I have provided as there is more milk used. 

Please do not forget that you have this on the heat ….. something I did recently. I had a few more minutes of cooking time left and I forgot to go back and take it off the heat. I ended up, after spending time and energy doing the grating and stirring, burning it at the bottom of the pan. While it is not totally inedible it certainly is not something I could serve to guests. I have not ever done this before but in recent times I have burnt food a couple of times as I just forgot to take it off the heat.

However please make some and enjoy. I find that even with a huge bowl full nibbling a little after each meal is wonderful.