Ships that pass - Jaya and I

Jaya and I

It had been nearly a year since I wrote anything. Strange that I just could not think about what to write or make an effort to just put down even random thoughts. I cannot say I have been busy even though I had family over for Christmas and later around Easter. It was such a pleasure to see all of them after such a long time. The outings should have been blogged along with the photo diary but at first I was busy enjoying the people and then recovering from the fun time. The moment to record just passed by……..

But I digress as I thought I would break the writing fast by talking about a friend. Just over 2 years ago I got a friend request on my Facebook. The accompanying message said I like your sense of humour and I know you from the ‘X’ group. I thought, ’why not?’ and added her in. We got chatting and asking about where on earth were we, to find this is a small world indeed. She actually lived about 5 minutes away, 2 lanes down from my house!

So we exchanged addresses and phone numbers and left it at, she would drop in to see me when she came this way for a walk. That was the start of a short but sweet friendship. Right from the start we hit it off and chatted away as if we had been friends forever and finding out about each other’s lives. We were good for each other. She took me to the Parramatta Park for the first time for a walk. I was not sure I would be able to do the whole round and so she said if I could not it was ok. She would go and fetch the car while I waited if I could not complete the round. However, since we did not do it on the trot it was ok. I talked since I am a chatterbox while she said very little. I know she kept telling me she is more of a listener and does not talk much.

I said to my husband we should go to this park, its wonderful for a walk. So next week we went and that’s when I realised I was so busy bonding with my new friend during the walk that I had missed the park totally……….. walking around with my husband I saw the varied flora and the birds. Not sure how I did not see a whole bat colony as along the river in one section there is a sanctuary for them. I had missed seeing the whole river flowing by! Not to forget the sulphur crested cockatoos and the parakeets and lorikeets and so many more. There are plaques telling the visitors about the history of this, the second settlement in Australia, after Sydney. Of course I had missed those as well.

So next time she took me out to the park again, I introduced her to the park that was there and not just a track to be walked while chatting or listening to music. I think I made her stop and smell the roses, to look at nature and find joy and peace in it. From then on every time we went we noted the changes to the park in each season. There are flowers in the park all year round, always different birds and even dragon lizards. She was always saying to me, ‘you seem to know each tree and the flowers and the birds and the time of year to see them’. There is a bench right by the river where we sit each time at a half way mark, to rest a bit but also to just soak in the peace and quiet, watch the aeroplanes high in the sky, fluffs of cotton wool clouds floating by or even the late afternoon summer clouds bubbling up to rise high and maybe to rain later, birds twittering, an odd laugh by the kookaburra, the clear reflection of the trees in the gently flowing waters of the river, ducks, coots and moorhens as well as wading birds fearlessly pecking near out feet for crumbs. This quiet time to de-stress and reflect the peace into your self was something she said she learnt from me. So I gained a place to physical exercise and she gained a changed perception of her surroundings.

We talked of all subjects whether while walking or visiting or on the net. She was seeking to understand and assimilate all that was had happened to her in the recent times. She was seeking peace and spirituality. While I do not profess to be knowledgeable, we certainly had discussion where we reflected on our thoughts and perceptions and bounced ideas off each other. I hope that I made some contribution to her journey of self-discovery.

She loved good food too just like I do and we often talked of recipes that we were accomplished in. I really like the South Indian dishes she made as I was not very good with those. Indeed, I still think it is a hassle to make dosa for just 2 people and idli, frankly, is much easier to buy and eat. She liked Gujarati food she said. I do not generally cook typical Gujarati food but there are one or two things that I am good at like dal dhokli and thepla particularly methi thepla. When I told her I was hankering for dal dhokli and that I would expect her of dinner on Saturday since I was making it, she was quick to accept the invitation. Indeed, I made methi thepla twice and both times she was dining with us. Once I made the Punjabi chole for her too.

She cooked different dishes like dosas and various rice dishes, sambhar and also rasam. Oh yea, I will not forget that she passed on a reciepe of making kulfi. We were talking about ice cream and one of the best was kulfi. I was telling her that every time I found it in the stores and got used to buying it regularly the store stopped stocking it. This, I found most annoying. So she said she had a recipe and sent it to me. I have not looked back since and many family and friends have had the pleasure of making and eating that kulfi. So now there are automatically these dishes that remind me of her.

We used to meet or chat regularly. She was helpful when I had to make calls to UK and she had free calls. We used to go to the park and always take her when she was free or even to the new local restaurant. She had set her heart on going to pilgrimage to Kailash and all the walking was towards getting fit for that trek. She used to go with her friends on these long treks around Sydney and then tell me about the nature she saw and sometimes remembered to take a photo on her phone. She said she now notices her surroundings and nature more.

Then, at the start of this year she got ill. It started with vision problem where she was seeing things in stereo instead of single image. After various investigations they diagnosed it as maybe TB in the brain. She hated the medication and it was a lot and big pills were hard to swallow. Things went downhill still and so she was taken into hospital for more investigations. She sent me a message that she was in hospital and that they were keeping her in. In a couple of days she got news that there were tumours and it was cancer. She was shocked to say the least and trying to take in all the information about the treatment and prognosis. To say the next few months were hard would be an understatement. To avoid unnecessary exposure to bugs I stayed away from the hospital but we daily conversed via emails as per usual, making sense of the health issues, having chemotherapy and its side effects, venting feelings, trying to find ways of coping and passing on jokes. She was sent home for a few days between treatments and I managed to see her every day. Did some fruit and veg shopping for her. Even took her out for that last time to the park to sit in the sun on our bench by the river.

Then she was back in the hospital and going for the last couple of rounds of chemo. There were investigations again to see what the prognosis was and the news was good. Everyone was happy that now with just radiation rounds to get done and life could restart. As no matter what you say and how well you are coping…. Life remains on hold while you have the treatment. She started planning for when she would come out of hospital and take it easy. In fact she was thinking of going to Mumbai at the end of the year and sorting family home and resting and pampering herself.

We mainly wrote to each other as she was not able to talk with the blisters in her mouth and throat. Even if it was just once in the day when she was tired, I heard from her. Then, I heard nothing for a couple of days. When I messaged to check she said she was very tired and could not make the effort to type. A few days later again I heard nothing from her. I sent messages and mails, even left voice messages to ask what was happening. I checked with one of her friends (she had introduced me to a few of her friends) to see if she knew what was up. Then I got the news that the cancer was back and that only palliative care was prescribed. What a blow!

All one can do at this point is pray for a quick clean and painless end. It is hard to do that but also a selfless thing to do, something I would wish if I was in that position. I did not go to her funeral. I remember her the way she was, with a ready smile and happy to spend time with me, talking about everything and anything. She wanted me to make friends with her friends and strangely now that she has gone I have started what I hope will be long friendships with some of her friends. I always say people meet for a reason. She used to say that I was sent to her by God as she needed it. All I can say is I am grateful for the opportunity to be there for another person and what could be better than the bonus of having a loving friend. We were like the ships that pass but leave a mark on each other’s soul. May God rest her soul in peace and she lives on in our memory through the daily activities that we shared.