How Not to DIY

People sometimes act as if they have a death wish. You wonder whatever got into the thing they call a brain for them to act in such a way. I will give you 2 examples and leave it to you to decide if I am right in questioning some people’s sanity.

First one is from when I lived in a house that had a straight chimney. This definitely was a weird one as most chimneys have an angle and this one was straight. The saga of what came down the chimney is detailed in my earlier post. Eventually after 2 years of complaining the landlord came to check what the matter was. Surely, he should have known about this as he was the owner and had previous tenants. Did they never complain about the offerings from the chimney? He tries looking up the chimney but it is actually hard to crouch in the grate to look up. Going out he came to the conclusion that the chimney was straight and hence the problem!! I think this landlord got so many eye rolls from me.. wonder I was not permanently looking backwards.

So, we had a discussion of what could be done. I pointed out that since it was an open hole it needed a cover of sorts. The easiest would be a piece of wood or a sheet of metal nailed down would be effective. So off he went and returned with a piece of metal sheet obviously from a scrapyard as it was like a lid with lip on all 4 sides of it. Now how was he going to get it up there? I stand indoors and watch as he backs his ute up into the drive which is on the chimney side of the house. Brings it close and then opens out his step ladder on the bed of the ute. Now I went out to see if he knew what he was doing. He climbed on top of the ladder which was in the back of the ute with that metal sheet in his one hand. Then he realises that it is just a little short of what he wants but goes ahead by standing on his tiptoes all the while muttering his wife would kill him if she saw him doing this. I was thinking well she seems to be the sensible one of you two then.

Now standing on his toes he swung the sheet up on top of the chimney and of course since he had no measurements the size was not right. He had been hoping to just sit that sheet into the chimney top but it would not fit in. Now he placed it face down with the lips just the bricks at the outer edge of the hole. The he came down for the tools. I receded indoor with fingers crossed that I would not have to call an ambulance. He said he had fixed it and left in one piece and I heaved a sigh of relief. Later in the week there was a storm with gales. I was looking out of the window to see the trees swaying and I saw something flicker past the corner of my eye and a big bang. Yes, you guessed it. The precariously nailed sheet had come off the chimney and flown down to hit into the metal fence and luckily not hit anyone. It only had to be at a slightly different angle to travel into the next-door garden or even the road – a perfect weapon to decapitate someone. Needless to say, the man was back and did a repeat performance of up the ladder in the ute and this time he nailed strips of metal from the metal into the brick on 2 opposite sides and it held.

The other example is when I moved into the current home the neighbour were moving out the same day. A couple of days later I heard voices next door and looked to see 2 – 3 young men. It sounded like they were doing some odd jobs but were they really? At one point they managed to knock the glass from out of the window frame onto the drive. It was wintertime and so it gets dark pretty early. After dinner while doing the washing up my husband said what is happening, I can hear clomping on metal. Looking out of the window on to the back of the house I could see 2 men on top of the metal roof that covers the portion of the drive where one can park a car. One had a camping head lamp on which gave out meagre light. By now it is pitch dark and I thought whatever is he doing up on the roof? Next a roar of the chainsaw and we look at each other with bewilderment as to what was happening. The man than climbed the tree branches that were coming over the roof of the house and the side of the house and started pruning the tree in the pitch dark by that dim head lamp. At one point it looked as if he was cutting into the branches right where he was standing. One slip could have taken his foot off. They could have had at least the light in the veranda on.  I must have prayed hard as neither injured himself and got of the roof in one piece.

Now you know why I was questioning the logic of these guys who go into chores for which they clearly not only unqualified but have not even given it a modicum of thought to the damage they could have done to themselves and the property.