Supporting high school teenagers
Time has flown and the children are now in High School.
There studies have broadened further. Parents will need to be more supportive
than ever during this time, for this is the time when Ravi and Lena will be
preparing to complete their basic education and start thinking of what they
wish to achieve in life and career they wish to pursue. It is the time to guide
them in understanding their interests and strengths so that they choose their
subjects carefully.
It is necessary to encourage them to widen their reading and
use varied sources to gain information. Discussing different topics related to
their study will allow them to learn to discern information and form valid
opinions about them. Remember that as they are teenagers, it is the time they
start linking previous information to form concepts. This will allow them also
to develop skills of articulating thoughts in a coherent manner and to think
through the arguments they wish to present. It will definitely improve their
skills of communication, both verbal and written.
It is very easy to put a lot of pressure on the children
through our own expectations of them, particularly as parents are aware of the
competitions they will have to face in order to succeed. It is also the time
when there is intense peer pressure to have fun, to rebel, as well as to be
better in class. Teenage is the time when Ravi and Lena are reaching puberty
and their bodies are raging with hormones. They are maturing physically and
emotionally. It is a trying time for them as they are neither children nor
adults. There is an intense wish to be treated as a grown up and at the same
time wishing the comfort of being a child. It is the time when they are trying
to find a place in this world for themselves as adults and forming self-esteem.
Teenagers are facing all these changes in their life most likely with
bewilderment and anxiety for they have no control over their bodies and their
emotions and neither an understanding of the changes happening to them. Parents
have to be supportive in this formative time to guide and mould them in
becoming honest, kind and moral citizens of this world.
Punishing and scolding will not be the answer to controlling
what may be considered as rebellious or rude behaviour, for it only shames the
child and makes them more stubborn and determined to do what has been
forbidden. Punishment must be given only for extreme reasons otherwise it will
not be a deterrent. You can get more response from teenagers by listening to
them, encouraging them to talk about their problems and anxieties. Allowing
them to talk through their problems and helping them find solutions rather than
imposing solutions is better because it means they will listen to the advice
given out as well as begin understanding the process of problem solving. It not
only helps them learn how to think through issues but also instils trust in you
and their own thoughts. It increases their confidence in their own abilities.
Thus encouragement and praise will be more helpful. All this will help in not
only their personal development and emotional intelligence, but also in their
learning and later education and professional development.
Support during Exams
Examinations are an important part of the education system.
In some countries exams are a major part in progress of the children. While in
other countries, the students are suddenly faced with examination for
completion of the basic education. No matter how often children face
examinations it is still a daunting task for both parents and children. Ravi
and Lena have been giving exams many times during their schooling yet the final
examination completing high school (10th standard in India or GCSE in UK or HSC
in Australia or any other equivalent) is frightening. However, it is hoped that
if they have developed the study skills throughout out their time in school and
learned how to manage their time they will be on the right path to gaining good
grades.
Revising
Ensure that as parents, you are familiar with the subjects
that your children are taking their examinations in. Assist them in making a
realistic timetable for revision. It is necessary to remember that both the
play / leisure time is also pencilled into the timetable along with the study
otherwise it creates conflict in their mind. It must be remembered that it is
not the quantity of study that is important but the quality. If Ravi is tired
and concentration has dropped then he will be wasting time trying to study. On
the other hand if he views the time of leisure as when he must be studying then
he gets no benefit of the leisure time. So when time for leisure is built into
the day, he will not feel guilty about playing and relaxing. This means he will
get the benefit of this stress relieving activity. Similarly, if he knows that
time has been set aside for having fun then studying time is not spent in
wondering when he can leave the books and go to see his friends. Also as
parents you do not need to constantly keep an eye on whether they are studying
or not.
It is also necessary to keep the home environment calm and
free of any quarrels and arguments. As that will add to the stress of revising
and cause them unnecessary worry, taking their mind away from studying. It
might be useful to specify a room / space for study, where they will not be
disturbed by others in the family. Help them to stick to the timetable they
have made for their revision. Another support you can give is by limiting the
chores to do around the house. They can continue to do the odd jobs as before
but always remember that it should not impinge on the time for revision.
Another issue that parents need to be aware of is the
pressure they are placing on the child to succeed. It is more helpful to assure
them that you would be satisfied with whatever grade they achieve provided they
had tried their best. This takes of a tremendous burden children feel, as they
fear they will fail their parents if they do not come up to the expectations
the parents have set for them. The only person they need to compete with is
their own past achievements. This is what you need to strive to emphasise upon
all the time. Parents must be aware of how their children respond to stress,
for people do not respond in the same manner to the same stresses. They must
then work towards reducing those stresses so that children can focus on their
revision.
Day of the Examination
After all the hard work parents and children have put into
revision time, the examinations are due. The support has to extend over the
exam period as well. Ravi and Lena need to get ready for the examination the
day before. That is, make sure they have the pens, pencils, ruler, rubber, exam
card / student identification card etc. all ready to take the next day. It can
be extremely stressful for all concerned if the hour before going for exam is
spent is hunting for the things they have to take with them. After a proper
meal they need to get a good night’s rest. It is not good if they have tried to
study through the night with little sleep, as tiredness does not allow the
brain to think during exam. Being refreshed from a good night’s sleep increases
the clarity of thought. Often Lena gets very anxious, has headaches and finds
it difficult to sleep, while Ravi just fidgets and cannot settle down. What can
you do to get them relaxed and so to sleep? A nice bath can be relaxing. A hot
milky drink is another measure to relax. Take a short time reading a storybook
or playing a game to get their mind off the studies. Listening to soothing
music is another way to relax and provide sleep.
After a good night’s sleep send your children for the exam
with a good breakfast. Due to the butterflies in their stomach they may not
wish to eat. But is it important that you give them a good breakfast. Remember
that during examination they are under lot of stress and have to think and
write fast. All these activities require the body to use glucose to provide
energy. If they have not eaten a good nourishing meal beforehand then the blood
sugar levels drop fairly quickly during the exam. This makes it harder for the
child to think and so allowing them to forget what they had learnt. This in
turn creates panic and uses up further glucose in the blood, becoming a vicious
cycle and making it hard for the child to write the exam successfully. So
parents make sure your child has a decent breakfast. It might be good for them
to carry a bar of chocolate or sweets, so if they feel faint or begin to panic,
as they cannot think, they can eat it. This is the fastest way of raising blood
sugar.
When they return from the exam, it is good to show interest
on how they performed. Read the question paper; ask them questions about the
choices they made and answers they gave. Be encouraging and positive. If they
have discovered some mistakes they made pacify them and praise for what they
did right, for getting angry and telling them off will have a detrimental
effect on the exams to still come. If they are positive then they will work
just as hard during the next exam. If they become discouraged then the effect
can be disastrous, even if it is their best subject.
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